This Is 31: On Personal Growth And Trusting The Process
This past year was really good to me. Let's just start with that. Being 30 was amazing and I'm sure it was in part to the fact that instead of dreading turning older, I welcomed the new decade with open arms. I made being 30 all about embracing life and doing things that scared me. Boy did I take that to heart. Turned 30 in Costa Rica, moved across the country, and quit my job with nothing else lined up. At the time I felt on top of the world and like I had everything I wanted to accomplish all lined up and I was making some serious moves. Then my 31st birthday was around the corner. For the first time in years I dreaded the day that to me is usually a national holiday (cuz like ya know...my existence should be celebrated by all....i kid, i joke). I really wasn't feeling my birthday. Had no intention or desire to celebrate and I couldn't quite put my finger on why that was. I chucked it up to the retrograde (whichever one was happening at the moment) and decided to just lay low (though that didn't actually happen but that's tea for another day).
And then on the day of my birthday it hit me. I didn't want to celebrate because I felt like a failure and completely unaccomplished. Cue the one woman pity party complete with balloons and the worlds smallest violin.
Thing is, there is a certain feeling of inadequacy that can sometimes come from getting older. So while I can sit here and say that I have done great things and I am happy with the things that I have accomplished so far, I can also be my biggest critic and say "girl, you haven't done shit". It is very difficult to go through life and not compare yourself to other people your age and their accomplishments. It is even easier to badger yourself for not having knocked off everything in your life's to-do list. Here's the other thing....all this is wrong. So I sat back and thought on all the wonderful lessons I have learned the past year and analyzed where I was in life currently, and here is the conclusion:
1. You are exactly where you are supposed to be in your life. You cannot compare your journey to anyone else's because you just don't know what hurdles they had to jump to get there. I mean lets face it, as similar as our destinations may seem...our paths there are quite different. So...if you just got your degree while your best friend had it 5 years ago? That is okay. Your journey here made it so that this is the exact time for you to benefit from it. Don't have kids yet? That's fine. Maybe there are things that you need to accomplish before creating tiny humans. Point is...trust the process. I can't say this enough. Specifically because I need to constantly remind myself of it as well. So while I may feel like I haven't done enough, I am okay with knowing that I have done exactly what I needed to by this point in my life.
2. You create your own happiness. When I decided to move from NYC to LA because I was no longer happy in NYC I was told that I needed to search inside myself for happiness because my location wouldn't change what was wrong with me. That could not be more wrong. Thing is I no longer had things that fulfilled me in NYC so I went out in search of them. Bottom line, the problem wasn't me. The problem was that I needed change and it is perfectly okay to change your situation in search of happiness. You can do ANYTHING you need to do to achieve happiness. What you should NEVER do is make your happiness contingent on someone else. Your happiness is nobody's responsibility but YOUR OWN.
3. Be very selective about your circle. I learned this lesson a long time ago really. It has just been more real in the last couple years and even more so since my move to LA. There is a saying in Spanish "dime con quien andas y te dire quien eres". It translates to "tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are". Growing up I hated this because I always told my mom she shouldn't judge me based on who my friends were. I mean let's face it I was very different than my friends, was allowed to do different things and the list goes on. Fast forward to being 31 and this statement could not be more true. I have learned that you have to be very picky about who you surround yourself with...not because you might be the same type of person...but simply because habits and energies can collide and rub off. I am very big on protecting my energy, not because I want to be on the bandwagon of the "positive vibes only" movement (though please keep your negative vibes that way) but because I really am receptive of people's energy. Some people are just funky and that can really mess with my internal zen. Also.....people's habits rub off. I have been surrounding myself with people who are extremely passionate, goal-oriented and motivated lately...and I can't tell you enough what a push that has been. SO be as picky with your friends as you are with your outfits.
I could go on because the school of life is real ya'll but all in all.....I have to say that as I sit back and analyze...at 31, I'm not doing so bad for myself in relation to MYSELF, because that is the only person I need to be comparing myself to. I'm just saying.....TRUST YOUR PROCESS.
Here's to 31 and whatever lessons life brings this year. <3